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The Ultimate Email Virus - - - 3D Rendering of five marbles floating over water - - - Original photo copyright Rich Foxall - - - Licensed through iStockphoto.com
Ultimate eMail Virus

Do you get emails from "friends" alerting you to email viruses?

Did you ever wonder if they were "real"?

Well the odds are (overwhelming odds at that) . . . they aren't.

They are all just junk emails. A special kind of email problem . . . a special kind of urban legend: the virus hoax.

Want to know more about how these messages about phony viruses are cluttering up the internet?

Symantek AntiVirus Research CenterSymantec AntiVirus Research Center Virus Hoaxes: This webpage lists known virus hoaxes. Before you forward that email, check out this page. (www.symantec.com/avcenter/index.html )

Urban Legends and FolkloreUrban Legends and Folklore: This website is devoted to urban legends. It includes a section on virus hoaxes. (urbanlegends.miningco.com/)

In the meantime, here is the mother of all email viruses.

Badtimes Virus

If you receive an email with a subject of "Badtimes," delete it immediately without reading it. This is the most dangerous email virus yet.

It will rewrite your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so that all your ice cream melts. It will de-magnetize the strips on all your credit cards, mar the tracking on your VCR, and use the subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play. It will give your very ex-love interest your new phone number. It will mix anti-freeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer and leave its socks out on the coffee table when company is coming over.

It will put a dead fish in the back pocket of your good suit and hide your car keys when you are late for work. "Badtimes" will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will pour sugar in your gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows while dating your current love interest behind your back and billing the dinner and hotel room to your Visa card.

It reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear. It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it. It causes a sudden, severe, unheretofore suspected allergy to your dog! It will leave libidinous messages on your boss' voice mail in your voice! It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.

"Badtimes" will give you Dutch elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up. It will make a batch of Methamphetamine in your bath tub and then leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase high school kids with your snow blower. These are just a few of the things this virus can do.

Be warned......."Badtimes" is BAD!


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This page created:
Wed, 16.Aug.2000

Last updated:
16:17, Sat, 10.May.2014

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