Apr. 2003 to
Rules Men Wish Women Would Learn
- If you think you're fat you probably are. So don't ask us.
- Just learn to work the toilet seat: It's very simple, if it's up,
just put it down. There is no practical reason that it should be left in the position that you want it.
- No, don't cut you're hair. Ever.
- Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present, again!!
- If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
- Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Learn to live with it.
- Don't ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as our career, the shotgun formation, the bad tee-shot we hit on #14, or Harley-Davidsons.
- Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different: it's just like every other cat.
- Any dog is better than any cat. Period.
- Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
- Shopping is not a sport.
- Anything you wear is fine. Really.
- Yes, you have enough clothes and yes, you have too many shoes.
- Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it or always respond favorably.
- Ask for what you want, exactly. Subtle hints don't work.
- No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark Anniversaries and Birthdays on a calendar.
- Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from pointblank range. We are bound to miss from time to time.
- We survive with three or four pair of shoes. It is ridiculous to ask our help choosing which pair, out of fifty, would look good with your dress?
- Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers.
- Check your oil.
- It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take any quiz together.
- Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
- If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
- You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done — but, not both.
- Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
- Consider golf, football, or fishing a mini vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.
- Telling us that models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainty not going to deter us from reading the magazines.
- The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
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