Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
They know stuff about military tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
They can open all their own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob them blind.
They can go to the bathroom without a support group.
They don't have to learn to spell a new last name.
They can leave the motel bed unmade.
They can kill their own food.
They get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
If someone forgets to invite them to something, they can still be friends.
Their underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If they are 34 and single, nobody notices.
everything on their face stays its original color.
They can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
They don't have to clean their apartment if the meter reader is coming.
Car mechanics tell them the truth.
They can quietly watch a game with their buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."
Same work — more pay.
Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
Wedding dress: $2,000. Tuxedo rental: 75 bucks.
They don't mooch off other's desserts.
They can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, they just might become lifelong friends.
Their pals can be trusted never to trap them with "So, notice anything different?"
They are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
They don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
They almost never have strap problems in public.
They are unable to see wrinkles in their clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
They don't have to shave below their neck.
A few belches are tolerated, even expected.
Their belly usually hides their big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
They can "do" their nails with a pocketknife.
They have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
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