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Hello Help Line - - - Fisheye distorted photo of a worker's hands at the keyboard with a black border (like looking through a tube) - - - Original photo copyright Ed Hidden - - - Licensed through iStockphoto.com
Hello Help Line

This purports to be a true story. Some sources attribute it to the WordPerfect Help Line. (I've used this version as the basis for this page.) It could just as easily have been Word or excel or Access or any other product for that matter.

At least one version says that the help desk employee was fired but is now suing WordPerfect.

I haven't been able to confirm it. I suspect it is just an urban legend.

But maybe . . .


Help:  "Help Line; may I help you?"

User:  "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

Help:  "What sort of trouble?"

User:  "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

Help:  "Went away?'

User:  "They disappeared."

Help:  "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

User:  "Nothing."

Help:  "Nothing?"

User:  "It's blank. It won't accept anything when I type."

Help:  "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

User:  "How do I tell?"

Help:  "Can you see the 'C:' prompt on the screen?"

User:  "What's a sea-prompt?"

Help:  "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

User:  "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

Help:  "Does your monitor have a power indicator?'

User:  "What's a monitor?"

Help:  "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

User:  "I don't know."

Help:  "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

User:  "Yes, I think so."

Help:  "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

User:  "[pause]      Yes, it is."

Help:  "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

User:  "No."

Help:  "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

User:  "[pause]      Okay, here it is."

Help:  "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

User:  "I can't reach."

Help:  "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

User:  "No."

Help:  "even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

User:  "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle. It's because it's dark."

Help:  "Dark?"

User:  "Yes. The office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in  from the window."

Help:  "Well, turn on the office light then."

User:  "I can't."

Help:  "No? Why not?"

User:  "Because there's a power outage."

Help:  "A power [pause]      A power outage? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

User:  "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

Help:  "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it  was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

User:  "Really? Is it that bad?"

Help:  "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

User:  "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

Help:  "Tell them you're too [insert expletive here] stupid to own a computer."

 

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I didn't write all the stuff on this page. I got it, in part, from email and/or newsgroup postings. Efforts to identify a copyright holder were unsuccessful and it may be anonymous or in the public domain.  If you have any information to the contrary, and particularly if you are the original author or copyright holder, please notify me. To send me notices about this information, please see my DMCA page and also my Disclaimers, Copyrights & Other Legal Stuff page. This site seeks use permission from copyright holders and will not post if permission is denied. Whenever ownership information is obtained, I promptly correct the page. (For example, see this page.) Because this material purports to be "true", it has been presented "as is", with the exception of correcting clear typographical errors. This page Copyright © 1997-2014, James S. Huggins.

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This page created:
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Wed, 16.Aug.2000

Last updated:
16:17, Sat, 10.May.2014

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