Fasten Your Seatbelt

Do you fly? Do you listen to the safety spiel? Or do you talk to your traveling companion, read the in-flight magazine or listen to your Walkman?

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight safety lecture a bit more entertaining in an attempt to get your attention.

On a few recent flights I was entertained by patters much like these.

So, when I received these examples reported as "real", I was inclined to believe them. And, if they aren't real, they should be.

As we prepare for take off, please return your tray tables and seat backs into their full upright and most uncomfortable position.

There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only four ways out of this airplane.

Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments.

We do feature a smoking section on this flight.  If you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane.

Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited.  Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately.

Well, folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off.  Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land.  It's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern.

Thank you for flying with us.  We hope you have enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.

If you enjoyed your flight, my name is Cameron and this is Delta Airlines. If you didn't, my name is Julie and this is American.¹

Captain: We've reached our cruising altitude and should be reaching our destination soon. If there's anything we can do to make your flight more comfortable, aside from "fly faster", please let us know.¹

[1]: Suggested by Mink Rose in an email to me.

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Last updated:
16:45, Fri, 27.Jun.2008