Apr. 2003 to
Corporate America Today
You know you work for corporate America today if:
- You've sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies.
- Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro.
- Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.
- The company logo on your badge is drawn on a post-it note.
- When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie.
- You get really excited about a 2% pay raise.
- You learn about your layoff on CNN.
- Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best jokes.
- Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.
- You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.
- Your company gives you more room to park than to work.
- Salaries of the members on the executive Board are higher than all the Third World countries' annual budgets combined.
- You think lunch is just a meeting to which you drive.
- You think lunch is the two minutes you take to swallow your baloney sandwich whole while watching the next program load.
- It's dark when you drive to and from work.
- Fun is when issues are assigned to someone else.
- "Communication" is something your group is having problems with.
- You see a good looking person and know it is a visitor.
- Free food left over from meetings is your main staple.
- Weekends are those days your spouse makes you stay home.
- Being sick is defined as can't walk or you're in the hospital.
- Art involves a white board.
- You're already late on the assignment you just got.
- When 100% of your time means 20 hours.
- You work 200 hours for the $50 bonus check or the free movie ticket and jubilantly say "Oh wow, thanks!"
- Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube.
- Your boss' favorite phrases are "when you get a few minutes", "in your spare time", "when you're freed up", and "I have an opportunity for you."
- Vacation is something you roll over to next year or a check you get every January.
- Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers".
- Change is the norm. (And remember, change is good!)
- Nepotism is encouraged.
- The only reason you recognize your kids is because their pictures are hanging in your cube.
- You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.
- You read this entire list and understood it ALL!!!
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